Raising a special needs child is a life changing experience. The involvement it requires would be difficult for a parent of a typically developing child to perceive. The demands it entails becomes so absorbing other necessities in life tend to become secondary. As a mother of a child with severe challenges I have experienced numerous emotions. Every day brings new trials to face. Life can easily be overloaded by time-consuming research, stressful situations and chronic depression.
Time is in short supply when raising a child with specific needs. Life becomes a balancing act among caring for the special child, marriage, work, health, and extended relationships. It is not unusual for a parent to spend countless hours researching various topics of interest concerning a particular disorder. The most time consuming research would consist of how to help the child, how to teach, how to protect and advocate. With all the different laws and regulations by federal and state criterion, a parent may spend many hours online, or on the phone calling and asking questions to get answers. Magnitudes of time and commitment manifest into horrendous stress affecting immediate and extended family members.
Many marriages suffer from chronic stress while trying to weigh life’s unexpected transitions that occur daily in the development of a special needs child. Funds are continually cut on governed levels which make it very difficult to get the help that the family should be receiving. Often there are many medical appointments to attend. While one parent works, the other may stay home to provide necessary care for their child. This sometimes creates financial stress because the parents have the responsibilities of keeping up a household and in addition have overwhelming expenses that accompany special needs. Parents often have different views on how to raise their challenged youngster. This tends to cause isolation of one or both parents because they do not feel understood. With this lack of understanding it drives the parents further apart causing marriage difficulties that often leads to therapy and in frequent cases separation or divorce. Many times extended family members have strong views as they try to make sense of their own grief and acceptance. Frustrations run high at home and in every day life commitments. Worries become more pronounced therefore opening the door for depression to take its toll.
Depression is very common in families and caregivers of challenged children. The isolation a parent may feel can be unbearable. The common ignorance and misunderstanding of the public is frustrating, and sometimes becomes too much to manage. This leaves the parent apt to become withdrawn and nonsocial. There is also constant worry in the mind of the parent concerning school issues, health issues of themselves and their child, and issues of safety. A very common burden is, “Who will take care of my child once I am gone?” The grief the caregiver feels is ongoing. It waxes and wanes with each day depending on what has taken place at any given time. Sleep deprivation is also very characteristic which leaves the parents exhausted and irritable. Among grief, worry, sleep derivation and exhaustion, a vicious cycle forms which usually requires therapy and medication for families in a depressive crisis.
Dilemmas of many faces often plague a family of special needs children. It is sorrowfully rare for families to remain together and stay supportive of one another. With the cuts in funds from the state and federal level many families fall through the cracks of vital help. Parents suffer from diverse emotions on a daily basis which leaves them with numerous unanswered questions. Stress and worry takes its toll over time. Time never slows down for the parents of a special needs child. With each second that ticks by precious moments are being lost for families that have no easy answers of how to cope. More support and assistance is needed across all levels of community and government positions. While the old adage states, “It takes a village to raise a child.” There is no mistake; it takes a nation to raise a child with special needs.